The summer will soon depart to welcome autumn back in. To many people, autumn presents the most romantic time of the year, especially in Canada, where we would be easily mesmerized by the gorgeous red-orange shade of maple leaves. I was not an exception.
However, when homesick kicked in, I started to disregard that absolute beauty and missed the petrichor of my homeland. Though the rains wet everything, the warmth of love and the physical presence of my beloveds would compensate for any discomfort. Many times I asked myself, why did I choose to go there? Though my mind knows it well, heart still needs more than just willpower to accept.
Many times when sadness overwhelmed, I simply buried my face in my palms and cried my heart out, then again gathered up for the battles ahead.
Now just the thought of separation while I’m still sitting in my room brings tears up my eyes and shatters my heart. I don’t wanna go anymore, but the train can’t run backward.
Cre: Dreaming Way Lenormand by Kwan Shina
Fortunately, when things fall apart, “awakeness is found” as the Tibetan Buddhist Nun and Teacher Pema Chödrön advises in a difficult time. The farther I am from my family geographically, the more I love and cherish every moment I have with them. Going out to the world rewards back a lot of precious experiences and knowledge but also take our time with family as a toll. How sad this life is but it also pulls us back to our home stronger than ever. The lonelier I feel, the more determined I am to perfect my education, and then come back home.
“Love is the beacon that guides us back home.“ – from TV series Strain Season 1, Ep 1, 2014.
Absolutely a night owl I am, a cosy morning being all alone, surrounded by only the warm golden sunlight, faintly chilling music, and something so dear like brushes, colour, and papers was still beyond the bliss. Such perfect mornings I had during the first semester break in Canada when all of my housemates had returned home and left me alone in our small townhouse was the best time of my whole busy year!
Every morning, I woke up at 7:00, had a simple breakfast then prepared a nice cup of my favourite tea flavour, which usually the gentle white tea. Sunlight didn’t come directly in my small kitchen till noon (due to the position of the windows) but the room was still brightened up beautifully and enough to levitated my mood up the white clouds above.
On the table, I relaxingly set my watercolour cake set, three water brushes, drawing notebook, and an elegant teacup. There would be no phone, no laptop on my sight. All was ready for a morning to be completely self-indulged by art and serenity. That was my own little peaceful cocoon amid the cacophony of outside world.
The bliss of being able to be alone but not lonely.
Holidays or Special Events like Women Day, Valentine, New Year…. what’s different with other days? I see NONE!!!
We can do the same thing in any day of the year. That’s my motto to deal with my life since with me, I can care for my beloveds in every fucking day of the year, give them presents, tell them I love them a lot… Honestly, why do we have to wait to do such things in some so-called Special days? People told me that special days are special, but why special? Is that the day you were born or the day you lost somebody dear? In fact, things you wanna do in that day can be done in any others. I can eat birthday cake whenever you want or keep someone’s image in your heart every single minute of your life? Okay, you will protest that, so, is there no special day for me?
NO! EVERY FUCKING DAY IS SPECIAL TO ME.
– I’d rather to look after for my loved ones little by little persistently and constantly than only show my affection in “special days”.
– I’d rather to be treat as I am a unique one by someone special to me, not with big present only in “special days” but by their true love with sophisticated acts every fucking day.
– I’d rather enjoy my live in a peaceful and warm love than having a burning and passionate relationship that may die as quickly as i was born.
Time does not waiting for anyone or anything. And because of it, I don’t find any reason to wait for the “right time” to make it happened. It was not a strategical things to be handle with. Love is about heart and how much you wanna let them know. What the fuck? These things are not related indeed!!!
Though my friend wrote about this issue long time ago, this is the first time I feel the urge to express my own thought about intimacy in fanfictions on internet as I am also an amateur author. That in my opinion, youngsters today reach this kind of content too soon in a very wrong way, and it is not a healthy trend for their undeveloped mind indeed.
Getting knowledge about intimacy is good but must be with proper methods and accurate information. While these information should be conveyed from their parents or schools, but without a doubt they were from porn movies or some sexual stories on internet. At least in two latest months I’ve acted as one of the administrators on our mutual blog about HyunSeung and HyunA, I saw 3 comments which expressed that they’re familiar with hot scenes in fanfictions long time ago, convinced me that I should not worry about that. They’re just 14 years old! In many NC-17/M fanfictions I read on Wattpat, all I can see are dirty portraits and surely lacking of real emotions. Some of these authors are still in teenage range, hence they composed many rated M stories for their teenage friends… What the hell is happening here, really? This kind of false information can build many negative concepts in their young mind that as far as I concern, will destroy the true meaning of intimacy and somehow lead them to wrong path for their own life.
However, they are not aware of some major awaiting risks, happily jump into the pitfall, let their own naive desires lead the way, dance in the dark shadow as if it was beautiful sunlight. With untrue information that was filled in many fanfictions, youngsters may view intimacy as a nice way to show their love, regardless the consequences, such as pregnant and abortion. Beside that, with easy come and easy go, these young teens can easily skip the true meaning of matching, view it as a natural need, not the sacred moment between two soulmates.
Overall, personally saying, intimacy is something natural for normal people but it is an act of true love and must be learnt from firm sources, which fanfictions obviously not included. Though we couldn’t put the blame on authors if they already did everything in their limit to prevent younger readers, just like we couldn’t blame the cigarette manufacture. I still hope that youngsters can have a safe environment to learn about sex and love.
Wow… it’s almost New Year, many projects are waiting for me to finish, to accomplish them. 2013 was gone for good, I’m here in the first month of 2014 with new ambitions, new friends and ready to explore more experiences. Life is all about adventures so my motto is always “Keep moving forward and live my life to the fullest” Life is so short then why so bothering?
There will be many changes in 2014 and I hope I can tell you when the time comes. And well, honestly I am wondering about I’d get a girl for my JS or not >”< I know, I know, he got Mio but sometimes I am confused about it, that my doll in a relationship with my friend’s doll is really better than I bought one for myself. I think it’s more fun because we can tighten our friendship, well, though I can’t take picture whenever I like. Merlin said I should not buy any doll at this moment due to my big plan but sometimes I can’t resist ti that urgency T.T How pathetic I am!
About Valar’s picture below, dod you regconize something different? Hehe…
As you may aware about my non-stop increased levelling crush for Hyun Seung, I wanna say I am so happy that my Hyun Seung‘s crush-mate invited me as her blog’s partner. So, I am now in charging of a blog only for 2hyun.
Hope that we can build up an inn for all Vietnamese 2hyun shippers.
Hibaby_js’ 2014 Calendar I bought for me and my JS crush-mate. The kit includes desk calendar, 1 fan cam vcd, 2 sets of sticker, 2 photos.
– It’s a lovely day for JS
– Fanfiction – My fav snack
– It’s painful to be a fangirl
Well, 2013 has coming to an end, time flew so fast, right? I got a mixed feeling 2013, full of sadness and happiness with my job, family, BJDs, friends and other things. I don’t know I’d call it a successful year but anyway, this is still a good year ’cause at least I achieved some important goals which will decide my future.
Merry Christmas everyone!!!
Officially became Face-up artist
I said it before that I wanna be a face-up artist, maybe around 1 year ago, and now I got it. I was so scared to start this job because I wasn’t confident enough, hahaha. However, due to my bad situation back in 4 months ago, I told myself, I gotta do this and Ta-Daaaaaa… I did it. Lucky me, I got some wonderful clients, who love my works and very pleased with face-ups I gave their dolls. The job I always dreamt of is now in my hand!
Improving my photography skill
I didn’t realised it until a friend told me so, hahaha. She said “Wow, your technique is so much better than the last time I saw your photos.” She spitted it out honestly and I felt so warm. Yes, I improved so much in my photography and I also got a deal with a foreigner. He said he was in love with my works, tee-hee. Moreover, I think my retouched skill has been improved a lot too.
Decided to do a plan that I haven’t ever thought about it
Yes, I’m on my way to reach to goal. I can’t leak it out here because I don’t dare to count the chickens before they hatch. This plan is creatively insane and very hard to accomplish. I hope everything will be fine and I can say it out loud I DID IT next year! Please send me good luck ^^