The summer will soon depart to welcome autumn back in. To many people, autumn presents the most romantic time of the year, especially in Canada, where we would be easily mesmerized by the gorgeous red-orange shade of maple leaves. I was not an exception.
However, when homesick kicked in, I started to disregard that absolute beauty and missed the petrichor of my homeland. Though the rains wet everything, the warmth of love and the physical presence of my beloveds would compensate for any discomfort. Many times I asked myself, why did I choose to go there? Though my mind knows it well, heart still needs more than just willpower to accept.
Many times when sadness overwhelmed, I simply buried my face in my palms and cried my heart out, then again gathered up for the battles ahead.
Now just the thought of separation while I’m still sitting in my room brings tears up my eyes and shatters my heart. I don’t wanna go anymore, but the train can’t run backward.
Fortunately, when things fall apart, “awakeness is found” as the Tibetan Buddhist Nun and Teacher Pema Chödrön advises in a difficult time. The farther I am from my family geographically, the more I love and cherish every moment I have with them. Going out to the world rewards back a lot of precious experiences and knowledge but also take our time with family as a toll. How sad this life is but it also pulls us back to our home stronger than ever. The lonelier I feel, the more determined I am to perfect my education, and then come back home.
“Love is the beacon that guides us back home.“ – from TV series Strain Season 1, Ep 1, 2014.